Baby Mumma

Five things I wish I knew before I became a mumma

~ Mumsgoneclimbing ~ 4 Comments

Before I start waffling on I need to be clear about the intention of this list. I truly hope that there a gems within that create a spark of interest or inspiration for the parents (or contemplative parents) who are fabulous enough to be reading my blog 😉  I want you to take in the information that connects to your heart. This is a personal list. As in this is five things I wish I knew before becoming a parent and not five things everyone should embrace when they become parents…which leads me to Number 1.

The days when my body just naturally looked after our son, conscience brain needed
The days when my body just naturally looked after our son, conscience brain needed

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1. Take a page from everyones book, then create your own – Parenting is a really personal journey. There is a lot of advice out there and a lot of opinions. I remember scrolling through online parenting forums when I felt like the clueless mother of a new born. They are mine zones!! They have a billion harsh words, opinions and attacks. I actually felt my anxiety rise every time I dared to look for information, it was so confusing and so debilitating.

Everyone has their unique set of parenting tools, it is so important to feel confident going with your gut instinct. A mantra I have taken on is ” I strive to be the best parent I can be”. For me this means being open to new ideas and taking time to investigate different approaches (it doesn’t mean I don’t swear into my pillow in the middle of the night when Boston just wants to party). There are tools I have tried along the way that were thrown by the wayside, ones that I feel guilty for considering, then others that are total gems that made me sing to the heavens. Not everyone will agree with the set of tools I use, but I now know I need to do what feels right in my heart.

2. Sleep problems may well be a perception problem – Of late I have been pondering a thought. If everyone I know has babies with sleep “problems” (night waking, unexplained change in patterns, inconsistent napping) then they are not actually problems, in fact it must be normal!! If I could have embraced this idea earlier a lot of analysis time could have been saved. In general babies are not brilliant or consistent sleepers. It is no wonder with all the huge milestones they are achieving, attachments being made and general coming to earth duties. As a sleep deprived parent this is a hard fact to accept (I am still struggling) but in my experience it does get better. I wish I had accepted that Boston just needed me, for no reason then he just did, it would have saved stress and allowed me to embrace new sleeping patterns myself…like napping with him, which I now do almost daily 🙂

Snuggled in our giant king plus cot co-sleep bed
Snuggled in our giant king plus cot co-sleep bed

3. Sleeping with babes – Before I became a parent I could not really see why a baby having their own bed would be a challenge. To be honest Boston was such a peaceful and consistent sleeper for the first six months that co-sleeping didn’t cross my mind. Then he had major surgery and began waking…every hour…screaming. That is when co-sleeping was added to our tool belt. I initially worried that I would be creating a bad habit “oh gosh he will never sleep alone”. My perception has changed and now I can not even see the problem, our baby wants to be close to us… that is actually awesome.

A general night for us is Boston sleeping in his bed happily till about 2am when he wakes for a feed and then snuggles with us. Then we co-sleep our daytime nap. If he is sick or teething or generally unsettled he is with us the whole night. For those who want to give it a crack there are helpful resources to achieving a safe co-sleeping environment, a quick google search will do the trick,  here is one of the many links. Safe co-sleeping

4. I freakin love baby wearing – Did I know about baby wearing before I had Boston? Sort of. Did I actually consider I should embrace it and do some research? Nope, I was too busy becoming a pregnancy and birth guru (which I do not regret). So my baby wearing journey went like this. We bought a Baby Bjorn, a very well known carrier that isn’t embraced by the majority of serious baby wearers. Boston didn’t like it when he was tiny, then enjoyed it for short bursts as he grew, then about 3 months after that he was too big. Why isn’t it embraced? Well I won’t go into too much detail but Bjorns do not hold babes in an ideal position, in fact for those with a pre-disposition for hip dysplasia they’re a big no no (THIS article has good information).

We also have a MacPac carrier, one that is designed for hiking but more for older kiddies, which Boston liked a lot more. I loved going for walks with him sitting in there, especially along the beach, but this pack is a little huge for every day use. When Boston was 13 months old we met a group of mums who had an array of carriers, slings and wraps. Boston was also going through days of just wanting to be held, so my mind finally kicked over and I was like “oh ahhhhh I should probably look into this”.

Manduca in winer = snuggle bliss. He was sick this day.
Manduca in winer = snuggle bliss. He was sick this day.

We bought a Manduca a week later. Boston loves it. For the first time he actually fell asleep while out walking (an awesome miracle which has been repeated many times). It is also freakin fantastic when he is feeling cuddly or is not well. I pop him in at home and toddle around doing the dishes and laundry. I am actually at the point now when I practically never use a pram, when I do I feel really disconnected. When we are out and about at the markets, whooshing through the shops or taking a scenic walk I love knowing Boston is so close. I know instantly when he is upset and I  always know he is safely attached to me as we dodge people and cross roads. So I must apologise for the rant and get to my point. I wish I had tried more carriers from the start. There are so many options to suit different people and baby wearing is now one of my favourite parenting tools.

5. It really really does take a village to raise a parent…oops I mean child – You will hear this over and over, mainly in your own head, but I just had to include it in my list. The world has become such a small place. We are instantly connected to our global community with just a few clicks of a mouse. There is endless information streaming at us at a rate faster then the speed of light (not exactly a scientific fact) and with a tap of our finger we can speak to everyone we know. But here is the messed up part…we are physically disconnected. We live in houses on streets where our neighbours are all strangers, our families are generally dotted around the country (or globe). Our village of friends all have their own lives that revolve around many commitments that are totally different to our own. And… you can not parent through a computer soooo where does that leave us. Parenting in westernised society can be very lonely.

I am really lucky to have my mum and dad so close. For the first six months we all practically lived together. When Boston was just two weeks old my gorgeous man commented “how do people do this without at least a third adult?” At the time we were blessed to be focusing all our energy on being new parents while mum cooked and cleaned. And let me tell you seeing the joy Boston brings his grandparents is priceless. But as lucky as I am I wish I also had the rest of our family close, including all our wonderful cousins who have children close to Boston’s age. How wonderful it would be to have mums and dads that I know and love all so close to us. So that every day we could share our experiences not just over facebook but over a cup of tea. This actually makes me very sad. And I have also realised I need a whole separate post to really explore this.

Children of Ima Imesine, Traditional village living in Vanuatu
Children of Ima Imesine, Traditional village living in Vanuatu

So by golly if you do not have a “traditional” village around you then CREATE CREATE CREATE. I am not even close to having the village I dream of, but we’re getting there. You need people around you, to hug you, to tell you everything is okay, to babysit while you take a nap, to cook you dinner, to walk the dog, to pull you up when you feel like the poop filled diapers you are changing all too often. So yeah parents need a village, that was not really a mistake. Children need a village too. They need more then just their parents to mould their view of the world. They need the unconditional love of grandparents, the strong role model in a positive uncle, the warm hugs of a family friend who bakes delicious muffins and listens to problems without judgement. I could go on and on and this probably makes little sense because it is the tip of an iceberg, hopefully I have time to explore under the water sometime soon. __________________________________________________________________________ Sooooo this is my list. What do you think? Do you have a list of your own?

“Why does his face look weird?”

~ Mumsgoneclimbing ~ 3 Comments

She said with a look like she was trying to solve a puzzle, all frowns and confusion. I am not speaking about a specific little person but this look and similar questions is something we encounter every week. Predominantly from children, an occasional adult asks too, some almost as direct and others stumble over a few umms before getting out the intended query.

IMG_2049_fotorBefore I even fell pregnant I would think about the children I wanted and the thought, or fear I guess, would cross my mind “I hope they are okay, I hope they are normal”. I get nervous even typing that sentence because it sounds so completely horrible. I know I was not alone with that fear, Steve admitted similar thoughts and I can only assume most of the human population just want their children to be “normal”. When Boston was born I fell head over heels in love with him, I would not swap him for any baby in the whole wide world. But I did have times of absolute grief when I realised he was automatically put in the “different” pile.

I worried how it would affect him. His emotions, self worth, getting ahead in the world, being accepted by others, his love life, would he be teased or bullied, would this lead to other problems. And yes I will admit that when I first saw those puzzling looks and heard comments about “that baby’s head” my mama bear bristles stood on end and my heart ached for him. I just wanted people to see him as Boston, not as the baby with the different head and not as the kid with Saethre-Chotzen Syndrome.

But guess what? We are human and humans need to understand what they see, they need to explain their world in part through this sense and they are also fearful of the unknown. To those who do not know him Boston will be someone who looks unique. He may be described in this way just like someone is described by the way they dress, the colour of their skin, the gait they walk or the height they reach.

Cameron Russel says it perfectly in her Ted Talk ” Image is powerful, but also, image is superficial” (a good talk to get you thinking). What I have come to embrace is that Boston IS DIFFERENT. The way he looks is not all of who he is, but it is a powerful part of that person. I do not want him to feel like he has to hide those differences or try to blend in with everyone else. I want him to be proud of each piece of the puzzle that makes him whole and I want him to feel confident to express who he is to everyone he meets.

IMG_3399_fotorWhat I want for myself is to leave all the prejudices I unconsciously had so far behind me they look like a smarty on the moon. There were times when I would be scared of those who were different, those who were obviously harmless but still different enough for me to feel uncomfortable, scared I would not act correctly or that I would offend them (a working progress of awareness). Now I am the one seeing puzzled stares I can tell you that when someone takes the time to actually voice their questions (in a polite way of course) I really admire them. I wish that we could all feel safe and confident to embrace each others differences, maybe then there would be less fear, less bullying, less trying to hiding our true selves. I ask that anyone who can relate to what I am saying or feels moved at all, please practice acceptance of others and teach your children through all you do and say.

So what do I say to the question “Why does his face look weird?” ….well simply “That is just the way Boston was born, we are all born different and that is a really fantastic thing!”

Boston joins the X-Men (Saethre-Chotzen Sydrome)

~ Mumsgoneclimbing ~ 3 Comments
My power is charisma...whats yours?
My power is charisma…whats yours?

” We found a mutation!” said the geneticist with a big grin on his face…my mind goes ” Did you just say my son is a mutant???”

Okay so lets put this into context. When Boston was only a month old his blood was taken for DNA testing. Dr Gabbet was fairly sure his craniosynostosis would be linked to a syndrome, 9 months down the track they were still searching. Not all cranio kids have genetic abnormalities, for many there is no explanation to why, but Boston had lots of physical indicators pointing to the contrary.

So when they finally found the mutation in his TWIST1 gene a big piece of the Boston puzzle was found. Despite my initial gawk at my little man being labeled a mutant (please note that at no point did any doctors refer to Boston as a mutant) it is nice to have an explanation, another part of his story, and a relief that there was not a more sinister syndrome behind everything. I am still learning about Saethre-Chotzen Syndrome and are yet to have a full follow up with Dr Gabbet, but in short;

Saethre-Chotzen Syndrome occurs in 1 in 25,000-50,000 people (yup Boz is a rare gem) and  is caused by a mutation in the TWIST1 gene. This gene is in charge of making a particular protein that plays an important role in early development of bones, muscles, and other tissues in the head and face. Craniosynostosis and ptosis (drooping eyes) are symptoms along with a bunch of others that you may or may not have noticed in Boston. Next time you are lucky enough to give him a smooch (if you are indeed one of the lucky ones who has met Boston) check out; the shape of his nose and ears, his short gorgeous fingers, his narrow palate and wait for it….the dimple above his bum. There can be developmental delays (which we have experienced), although most people with Saethre-Chotzen syndrome are of normal intelligence. Not all people with the syndrome have every symptom, in fact many people go undiagnosed because abnormalities are so minor they are never noticed.

It has taken a little while for the new information to sink in but I am now embracing all that comes with it, much that I am sure Boston is yet to teach me. Our new question is whether Steve or I have passed this down or whether it is a new event in our families genetic history. If Boston has inherited the mutation we have some big decisions to make about extending our family…but more about that in another post.

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