Waking at 4am for a text message tantrum

Okay here goes a confession. I had a tantrum this morning. Yes ME.

TeaI awoke from deep slumber to hear my son whimpering in the next room…it is still dark but I hear birds and I guess it is 4am. All good Dad will sort him. Whimpering continues and I look up to realise that Dad has gone for a surf, DAMN my memory! By this point our son is wandering the hallway, clearly awake. I stumble out of bed before he disturbs the baby, and I feel furious. It is the second morning in a row we are up before dawn, I am exhausted and totally over not having any ME time. I start feeling super angry at my husband for going surfing (even though it was planned). The rage is building and as my son starts whining about the stuff toddlers whine about, I know I am in bad territory.

I quickly grab my phone and shoot a completely horrible text message to my currently surfing hubby. I express every ridiculous thought in my head and press send.

Then I send one more which says “Thanks I feel better now :)”

An hour later he calls in a calm tone and I answer full of patience and love. He knows the text was a vent and he lovingly lets me have it. I did it because I knew he would accept my anger which needed to be expressed, I felt no guilt, and it helped me immensely in doing what needed to be done. The morning started at 4am, but it was a lovely morning.

Then I read this article and laughed; The Best Way to Teach Your Child Emotional Intelligence. Children, AND ADULTS, need a safe place to express raw feelings. There is so much value in accepting our emotions and expressing them till their end. It free’s us from the burden of negative thoughts circling our minds all day.

I feel so lucky to have a partner that is emotionally intelligent and accepting. With a little awareness we will be able to create that same safe place for our children, and that is a beautiful thing.

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From that time I was a pregnant bridesmaid, just because

Last month two of my favourite couples in the world celebrated their first and forth wedding anniversary’s. I find it a pretty darn glorious coincidence that during both these weddings I got to play the pregnant bridesmaid. In fact, four years ago I was running around taking care of maid of honour duties when two days before the wedding we discovered I was pregnant. It was the most important and wonderful surprise our lives have seen thus far. A week later I wrote this entry in my diary.

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Sharing just because.

” Pure joy is something to relish more often, if only I can remember to stop and smell the flowers. But of course I can, and I must, because those simple joys are so very important. To let the beauty of the world bubble up inside you, spilling over with lightness and love. We are in our new home with lots of space and light. In another six months it will be even more “our” home with little touches that will reflect us. To be honest I guess there will be one quite BIG touch that will reflect us.

A baby. I am Pregnant!

There is no rhyme or reason to it, except that it all makes perfect sense and yet has the fact at all sunk in? Not really. We all talk about it but at the moment our baby is two blue lines on a stick, a prophecy from my Aunt, a nauseous feeling in my empty stomach, a slight cramp as my uterus enlarges, cries and delighted squeals from loved ones, a faint knowing that the next chapter is upon us….An ache of the wanting to create magic…and we will.”

Our wedding was about more then “just us two”

One year ago about this time I was rushing around with excitement and nerves jumping through my body, it was wedding week and we were full steam ahead. Ten years spent walking the same path deserved one hell of a celebration, in turn we had planned a DIY wedding weekend on a beautiful property with all our family and close friends.

w140830_441aRewind a decade and I have fallen head over heels for a guy who tells me he has no interest in marriage, something about ” a stupid meaningless tradition” (cue total disbelief and denial of the happily ever after girl). But like any good woman I disregard this difference of belief surrounding a major life event, and proceed forth falling in love and waiting patiently for him to change his perspective. Many a debate was to follow surrounding ritual, values, connection, family, tradition. Now you may think this seems a ridiculous situation, one sure to lead to manipulation and bargaining, and maybe you are right…but here is something else it lead to.

My partners reluctance to marry lead me to explore and question what marriage and a wedding really meant to me. I was forced to justify my desire with more then “that is just what we are suppose to do next”. Tradition of old was reinvented and we interwove aspects of ourselves into every part of our union. Each element reflected a part of what was important in our world. And number one wasn’t the dress or food or bonbonniere’s , it was bringing our family and friends together to celebrate. After all our journey was as much about them as it was about us.

The day after I married Steve we were driving to brunch, alone for a brief time, when I began to laugh with joy. I was reflecting on the day just past and I could hardly believe it had been OUR wedding. It was so special and joyful and tear-filled and heartfelt. There was an air of connection all around, like everyone there was in on a beautiful secret. Today I want to share with you some pretty darn special parts of our wedding, little things that in the end made it more magical then the happily ever after girl of yesteryear could even imagine.

w140830_048Tea is a huge part of our world. It seriously is a ritual that brings us together, like no matter how crazy life can be we know there is always time to share a cuppa. So what better ring vessel then a vintage tea tin, found by my mum and just so happened to be bearing the famous Shakespeare line “That which we call a rose. By any other name would smell as sweet”

w140830_073_fotorSteve never wanted a  traditional bridal party and I must thank him. I didn’t have bridesmaids, I had “Nell’s league of extraordinary women”. They could wear whatever they wished and they lead me down the isle then scattered throughout the crowd. Each had different roles including witnessing, speech, readings, MCing and holding my hand as the wedding car wove it’s way to the ceremony. I loved that throwing tradition out the window allowed me to honour each extraordinary woman.

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As part of our ceremony we shared a drink from a two handled cup. It is a Scottish tradition and the special cup is called a Quaich. We choose to dedicate the moment to my grandfather and Steve’s dad who have both passed in the last two years, off to the next adventure away from earthly soil. By the end of the day I believe most guests had drunk from the Quaich and there was a whole new ritual being developed.
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Our son Boston turned two just before we were married. He is such a huge part of why our union moved to a deeper level and it was so important to us that he was included in the ceremony. We wrote vows for him, and created a family charm with each of our birth stones and tokens with our Chinese animals.

VowsLast but not least, music is a big part of life, and we had a real desire to have everyone up and dancing. We also love eating delicious food every weekend at the farmers markets. Why two such random comments…well put them together and we find Andrea Soler. The most gorgeous ray of sunshine we could hope to include in our wedding. Her gypsy beats did exactly what we dreamt and dance we did!
w140830_507 w140830_576 w140830_736_2 w140830_752a_2 w140830_754_2So here I am on the eve of our first anniversary feeling oh so grateful to have my freakin awesome husband (HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!!), and even more grateful that our wedding included so many extraordinary human beings. Hope you enjoyed the flash back xo

*Photos are all thanks to the rock your socks awesomeness of Todd and Alyda from Todd Hunter McGaw Photography.