Baby Mumma

Baby Mumma – Surgery here we come

~ Mumsgoneclimbing ~ 4 Comments

So here we are, 7.5 months after Steve was looking worried and I was convinced all was totally normal (ahhh the high of labour hormones) as Dr Kettle checked our newborns head. His voice was so calm as he explained that he believed Boston had premature fusion of his skull, my wonderful midwives assured me all other vitals were perfect and that was enough for me.

Now I can pronounce words like craniosynostosis, I know what ICP is (intracranial pressure), I know that Boston’s metopic and both coronal sutures are fused. It is truly phenomenal how much our son has already taught us. I also know how many wonderful people we have by our side. Boston is lucky he lives in Australia because the public health care system has handed him a wonderful paediatrician, some of the best neuro and plastic surgeons in the country and support of an array of child development professionals. We are also blessed to be surrounded by friends and family who have fallen head over heels for Boz and give their love constantly.

Alright, alright enough fluffing around, I know you want an update. The latest CT and MRI scans came back pretty positive. There is no ICP, meaning his brain is not yet under pressure, and the MRI confirmed he has all the glorious parts of the human brain and they are all in the right spot (FREAKIN YAY). We also sat down with the surgeons and went through what to expect from the upcoming surgery, which is currently set for end of March. I was dreading hearing about the risks involved, picturing my bubbly exterior breaking as I started to cry uncontrollably, but it turns out my worst fears are very very unlikely and the risks involved, although not exactly the common cold, are quite manageable in most circumstances.

The biggest aim of surgery is to give Boston’s brain enough room to grow without affecting his developmental progress. The incredibly educated wonder doc’s will make an incision over his head from ear to ear, then remove the front part of his skull, take it to a table, remould, then screw it all back in place with pieces that dissolves over 12 months. Yes this is TOTALLY INSANE AMAZING. Our head plastic surgeon, Dr Theile, tried to explain how Boston would look, although I am trying to keep any sort of expectations to a minimum. They do not think the height of Bozzies head can be dramatically reduced, he will still have epicanthic folds near his eyes, he will have a forehead that protrudes instead of collapsing, but to start with it may look quite square and overcorrected. After falling in love with his unique look I am a bit scared about getting use to another unique look, but no doubt in this world I will fall in love once again.

The date arrived by post and although I thought I was itching to find out there was no stopping the tears when I read it, apparently emotions run deep. For now, we feel really good about the surgery, there is an element of excitement being able to see the other side but also the apprehension of not knowing what will happen.

I made contact with a group of other parents who have cranio kids, their stories are pretty darn inspiring, and it got me thinking how very lucky we are to have been gifted with children that force us to utilise the very best parts of our character. Thanks Boston, you rock our world.

Fear and all the good stuff that follows

~ Mumsgoneclimbing ~ 3 Comments

Welcome 2013!!!! I must say that 2012 was such a wonderful year for me and I can only cross my fingers and make a wish that this year will bring as much joy. The holiday season was filled with sunny days, abundance of delicious food and lots of family love. Bozzies dad and my partner of the last decade proposed on Christmas day which pretty well was the cherry on top of an epic year. Seeing him as a dad and having his incredible support through the first six months of parenthood has expanded my love for him tenfold…so YES I said YES (apparently well before he could get the question out).

I wrote the below post over a month ago and the emotions that scream from it have, as I predicted, completely mellowed. The laughing and squealing and rolling over have once again become paramount in life…the fear, an occasional emotion that pops up to say hi. A true testament to the saying “all things will pass”. So if last year (or the last ten years) have been a bit poo for you, just remember it can be different.

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When I became a mum I realised how much I could love. I can love so much that it makes my heart ache on a daily basis. The thought that something “bad” could happen to this person that is so new to the world but who I just love with almost irrational depth is a little horrifying. The problem is that it is already sort of happening. Boston’s little skull is just not right, it is fused in places that it shouldn’t yet be, it has wide gaps in places where small gaps should be, it is a bit like swiss cheese in quality and unfortunately not doing the greatest job of doing it’s job (that is housing a developing brain). He is more unique then I had even realised, it is not only metopic craniosynostosis, the peadeatricians don’t know exactly what to label it, but it is out of the ordinary even for the already out of the ordinary.

All I know is that my brain just got the message. The message says “This is not the small deal you were making of it, it is a big deal, maybe you should feel scared.” So here I am feeling scared.

The state I have been in since sitting down with our team of experts and getting “the message” is a little on the confusing side. It is something like a touch of grief, mixed with a sprinkling of unknown, added to fear of what “may” be. I assume they are all pretty normal emotional reactions to have when you have gotten the message that your child is facing a serious medical challenge. I say confusing because even though I want and need to feel the grief and fear I also get to look at Boz laughing and squealing all day completely oblivious to any sort of challenge that doesn’t involve sleeping, eating or pooing. It really is a beautiful dichotomy of emotions, all surrounding one special dude.

The things that matter, that will last and be eternal, are the laughing and the squeling. The grief, the unknown, the fear…they will all pass soon enough. Feeling all the emotions is really important, recognising that they are there for a valid reason, but in the end I will accept what is happening because there is simply no other choice then to accept. There is no reason why this has happened it just has. Like all things in life… we choose to see the light or the dark.

May 2015 update – Over the past three years we have discovered that Boz had metopic and biconoral craniosynostosis that was caused by a rare genetic disease called Saethre-Chotzen Syndrome. We’ve been through one surgery with the possibility of more, he has global developmental delays and I still ride what I like to call The Ocean of Emotion. Two statements continue to stand out from this post I wrote way back when we had no idea of the complexity of Bozzies journey.

1. This too shall pass

2. Like all things in life…we choose to see the light or the dark

xox

Hypnobirthing

~ Mumsgoneclimbing ~ 2 Comments

Get out your swinging time pieces and spinning spirals my friends it is hypno time!!! I am joking of course, but lets face it when you hear the word hypnosis the image of people clucking like chickens pops to mind. Luckily thanks to my good friend Gareth Vaughan (aka hypnotherapist extraordinaire) I have had a different perception of hypnosis for quite sometime, so when hypnobirthing was recommended to me I was intrigued.

What the buggery is hypnosis from a therapy stand point?? Well I am no expert (and I am a poor liar so I won’t pretend to be an expert) but this is the idea from my own perspective. Hypnotherapy teaches you about your brain/mind and how it functions. It explains how our realities are formed through experiences and how our brain filters those experiences. It makes you aware of preconceived beliefs that are affecting the way you experience life. It gives you tools to alter these beliefs, shifting the way you perceive and experience situations.

The actual state of hypnosis is when you are relaxed and downloading information. It is a state where you are susceptible to suggestion. Suggestion that you will cluck like a chicken, or that you can achieve a challenging task, or that you have no reliance on cigarettes, or that child birth is a natural process that your body was perfectly designed for. We get into hypnotic states everyday. When you are drifting off to sleep, engrossed in a television program, driving a familiar route or meditating. For something that sounds quite out there hypnosis is really just part of life.

Okay great… so what does all this mind shifting have to do with birth? Well lets be honest ladies who looks forward to their first birth and thinks “hell yeah that is going to be awesome, bring it on!”? Personally I grew up with the distinct notion that birth would be extremely painful and traumatic. I recall using it as ammo when in arguments with the male of our species, “well women give birth so what are YOU complaining about?” There is a WHOLE BUNCH of fear surrounding birth, and well yah it is a massive task for your body to go through and things can go wrong, but is all the fear helping?

Our gorgeous hypnobaby resting on my chest just after birth with dad supporting his head
Our gorgeous hypnobaby resting on my chest just after birth with dad supporting his head

Animals (and humans are animals if anyone has forgotten) have several survival mechanisms and many mothers to be when faced with a threat will stall labor. Think in cave man terms, to survive we use fight or flight and when we are scared our bodies do a whole heap of really cool things that facilitate these two options. One result being blood and oxygen floods to our limbs, we are able to flee with lightening speed or pull amazing ninja moves, but give birth….ahhhh not so much. If you are in fight of flight mode your body puts the birthing experience on the back burner. Really what is the point in pumping blood around the all important baby pushing muscle (the uterus) if you are about to be eaten by a raptor??

The hypnobirthing philosophy follows this idea and aims to create an informed birthing experience where the mother feels safe and relaxed. This environment allows our body the best chance to function as nature intended and have a birth with little complication. Hypnobirthing uses breathing techniques, relaxations, visualisations and positive affirmations to keep your body and mind chilled out. It also gives the mumma’s birth companion a stack of great tools to help support, relax and encourage.

My partner in crime and I completed a course with the lovely Anthea Thomas of Hypnobirthing Gold Coast. As a young family we tossed up whether we could afford the course but looking back are so grateful we included it in our preparation. It was more then just hypnosis, it was an antenatal class with a twist…and a positive one at that. I felt 100% more confident that I could achieve the natural birth we wanted after finishing the course. As a bonus (possibly even the most important outcome) I also had a partner who had been given real down to earth tools that would help me through labor and actually include him in Boston’s birth.

Enjoying Dads chest in the first few days of life
Enjoying Dads chest in the first few days of life

The understanding that birth is significantly affected by fear and the affect it has on us physiologically was a big UH HUH moment for me, but it is only a small part of what a hypnobirthing course will give you. If you would like to know more check out Hypnobirthing Gold Coast website or facebook page.

p.s I want to be clear that I do not believe that any one thing, or even a combination of things, will guarantee an easy or complication free birth. It is a huge challenge physically and mentally. Things can and do go wrong without cause or blame. Talking to women of a traditional village in the pacific (no running water, no electricity and in wet season no access to a doctor) the challenge is as clear as ever. Their number one health concern, how do we help mothers and babies in birth? So….I believe every helpful tool you can pack in your belt, go for it! Most importantly do what works for YOU.