Where is my little bit of magic?

~ Mumsgoneclimbing ~ Leave a comment

When I was 19 an older friend looked at me with frustration and called me naive. It made me so mad. Just because I believed there was good in everyone and saw beauty in the world, THAT made me naive?!

In a week I turn 28, now I sort of know where she was coming from. Since I was 19 I have had my heart broken several times, lost friends, realised dream jobs were not so dreamy, been conned, been used, realised the world is broken, realised humans are generally to blame, have accepted some problems are literally too big, watched my friends battle for their relationships and as a whole realised happily ever after involves a hell of a lot of bumpy roads. In truth my 20’s have been a hard slap in the face, not overly traumatic by any means, but still enough to crush my “naivety”.
The problem is that too often I hear myself sapping the magic out of life. I do not believe in the fairy tale any more and so I whinge and whine about the “realities” of life. You know…now that I am so wise and realise the truth. I can not help but wonder though that if I am so wise why do I ache for the magic of being 19? I am not talking about the late nights, cocktails and wrinkle free skin. I am talking about the hope and belief that anything is possible, seeing goodness in the world, having dreams and really thinking they will come true.
A bit of magic?

Now I have a little person in my life who will laugh and coo with so much joy at what I can only figure out to be a ray of light on the wall. I love Boston so much it aches right down in my belly and it makes me really want to find that magic in life, because quite frankly I want to share it with him.

So this little rambling post on a public holiday night is me making a promise to wake up each day and look for my magic. It has been lost a while but I know it is here somewhere, I get glimpses of it and I think it is about time I stopped whinging about life and start celebrating it.
I hope you all do the same xox

Hypnobirthing

~ Mumsgoneclimbing ~ 2 Comments

Get out your swinging time pieces and spinning spirals my friends it is hypno time!!! I am joking of course, but lets face it when you hear the word hypnosis the image of people clucking like chickens pops to mind. Luckily thanks to my good friend Gareth Vaughan (aka hypnotherapist extraordinaire) I have had a different perception of hypnosis for quite sometime, so when hypnobirthing was recommended to me I was intrigued.

What the buggery is hypnosis from a therapy stand point?? Well I am no expert (and I am a poor liar so I won’t pretend to be an expert) but this is the idea from my own perspective. Hypnotherapy teaches you about your brain/mind and how it functions. It explains how our realities are formed through experiences and how our brain filters those experiences. It makes you aware of preconceived beliefs that are affecting the way you experience life. It gives you tools to alter these beliefs, shifting the way you perceive and experience situations.

The actual state of hypnosis is when you are relaxed and downloading information. It is a state where you are susceptible to suggestion. Suggestion that you will cluck like a chicken, or that you can achieve a challenging task, or that you have no reliance on cigarettes, or that child birth is a natural process that your body was perfectly designed for. We get into hypnotic states everyday. When you are drifting off to sleep, engrossed in a television program, driving a familiar route or meditating. For something that sounds quite out there hypnosis is really just part of life.

Okay great… so what does all this mind shifting have to do with birth? Well lets be honest ladies who looks forward to their first birth and thinks “hell yeah that is going to be awesome, bring it on!”? Personally I grew up with the distinct notion that birth would be extremely painful and traumatic. I recall using it as ammo when in arguments with the male of our species, “well women give birth so what are YOU complaining about?” There is a WHOLE BUNCH of fear surrounding birth, and well yah it is a massive task for your body to go through and things can go wrong, but is all the fear helping?

Our gorgeous hypnobaby resting on my chest just after birth with dad supporting his head
Our gorgeous hypnobaby resting on my chest just after birth with dad supporting his head

Animals (and humans are animals if anyone has forgotten) have several survival mechanisms and many mothers to be when faced with a threat will stall labor. Think in cave man terms, to survive we use fight or flight and when we are scared our bodies do a whole heap of really cool things that facilitate these two options. One result being blood and oxygen floods to our limbs, we are able to flee with lightening speed or pull amazing ninja moves, but give birth….ahhhh not so much. If you are in fight of flight mode your body puts the birthing experience on the back burner. Really what is the point in pumping blood around the all important baby pushing muscle (the uterus) if you are about to be eaten by a raptor??

The hypnobirthing philosophy follows this idea and aims to create an informed birthing experience where the mother feels safe and relaxed. This environment allows our body the best chance to function as nature intended and have a birth with little complication. Hypnobirthing uses breathing techniques, relaxations, visualisations and positive affirmations to keep your body and mind chilled out. It also gives the mumma’s birth companion a stack of great tools to help support, relax and encourage.

My partner in crime and I completed a course with the lovely Anthea Thomas of Hypnobirthing Gold Coast. As a young family we tossed up whether we could afford the course but looking back are so grateful we included it in our preparation. It was more then just hypnosis, it was an antenatal class with a twist…and a positive one at that. I felt 100% more confident that I could achieve the natural birth we wanted after finishing the course. As a bonus (possibly even the most important outcome) I also had a partner who had been given real down to earth tools that would help me through labor and actually include him in Boston’s birth.

Enjoying Dads chest in the first few days of life
Enjoying Dads chest in the first few days of life

The understanding that birth is significantly affected by fear and the affect it has on us physiologically was a big UH HUH moment for me, but it is only a small part of what a hypnobirthing course will give you. If you would like to know more check out Hypnobirthing Gold Coast website or facebook page.

p.s I want to be clear that I do not believe that any one thing, or even a combination of things, will guarantee an easy or complication free birth. It is a huge challenge physically and mentally. Things can and do go wrong without cause or blame. Talking to women of a traditional village in the pacific (no running water, no electricity and in wet season no access to a doctor) the challenge is as clear as ever. Their number one health concern, how do we help mothers and babies in birth? So….I believe every helpful tool you can pack in your belt, go for it! Most importantly do what works for YOU.

Baby mumma – Love, failure, guilt and comradery

~ Mumsgoneclimbing ~ 2 Comments

I want to write about this in a way that is honest plus gives enough importance and respect to what I am trying to convey. All I can really do is write what I experience and hopefully that in itself will be enough.

I am a new mum, a total rookie thrown into the most important role of my life,  I have only known my son for two months…yet he is my world and I ache at even the thought of not having him. I am not completely sure what creates this intense bond, whether it is the mixture of love hormones released through pregnancy and birth, a divine connection or the comfort that I have a purpose in life that cannot be denied. Whatever creates it, there it is, I am totally indescribably in love with Boston.

This love is not completely different to others I have experience but it does have an extra weighting, the acknowledgement of complete responsibility. Like never before my mumma bear hair stands on end when even the whiff of danger is present. Yet with the feeling of all this love and all this responsibility there remains one fact, I am a total rookie thrown into the most important role of my life.
 
I distinctly remember visiting one of my good friends who had just had her first baby, as I walked in the door she said “it is just so hard.” I nodded and smiled and tried to be caring and empathetic, but I did not know exactly what she meant…until now. Like many fabulous women in today’s society it was not until Boston was born that I had spent an extended amount of time around a newborn. Certainly it is the first time I have been expected to look after a bub longer then a warm cuddle which ended when crying began and I handed the little cherub back to their mum.

People say that motherhood will come naturally, for some that may be, for me yah sure different parts very much did, but others seemed more elusive. I have the love thing down pat but I still can not point out the difference between a hungry, sleepy or bored cry (Bozzie generally sounds like a fire alarm even if he just wants to sit up instead of lie down). Breast feeding…now we love it but for the first two weeks…bonding experience my butt! Bad latching + awesome sucking = cracked nipples + searing pain. Is that grimace Boston with wind, tired or discovering new faces? Plus what is the deal with really really sleepy babies just refusing to sleep?!

Please do not get me wrong, I was under no impression that parenthood was a walk in the park, or that there would not be numerous challenges. What I could not comprehend was that my lack of experience to care for this person I love so much would lead to feeling like a failure…Trying many approaches and reading a million passionate view points that completely contradict each other left me completely confused, totally unconfident and quietly guilty. It seemed that no matter what I tried I would be emotionally scarring or setting bad habits or creating insecurity.

There has been countless days that were speckled with his tears and mine, both of us enveloped in a new world, it is confusing and frustrating and tiring. However…now I know what my friend meant when she said “it is so hard”, now I have an understanding when I see another mum, I could go so far to say there is a secret look that we share between us (not unlike a college frat club). I am lucky enough to have a handful of new mums close to me and the good news is… I am not the only clueless rookie. We all have moments where it seems we were not born to be mothers, times when we are completely uncertain about what to do next, feelings of guilt, feelings of failure. Yet sharing all of this begins to lighten the load.

Nine weeks in and I know what I have experienced is the tip of the iceburg. The challenges will keep coming and they say not even 18 years will see the end to it. No matter what comes my way I know there will be another mum around who will wrap me in their arms and tell me they get it. I am learning that no one book/mentor/friendly neighbour is going to have the answers. No one else is me and no other baby is Boston. You take bits and pieces, go through trial and error, find the puzzle that fits (I think I have the first 5 pieces of the 1000 to come). There may always be those times when I feel all I am doing is wrong, that I am permanently damaging this amazing little person I love so much, and just when I want to crawl in a hole and forget about everything…Boston will smile…eyes gleaming…gums beaming…and suddenly all will be great again.

p.s A big huge massive thank you to the other mums who have shared their feelings with me, supported me with kind words and encouraged me to find my own groove.

p.p.s A special thank you to one mum in particular, my mum, without whom I would have been completely lost during this time.