How to cope with the lead up to surgery

Next week the most important person in our world is facing his second major surgery. Some very skilled surgeons will cut open his head, carefully remove his skull from around his beautiful three year old brain, then cut it up, remould it and put it all back together with the help of a little titanium. No big deal.

IMG_3925_fotorOkay lets face it most parents would have a heart attack just contemplating the thought of something like this. So how do I cope with impeding poo scary surgery. I like to call it the delusion technique… has a romantic sound to it right? Pretty much what you do is 90% of the time you go about life pretending like everything is normal. Make small talk with neighbours, complain about the weather, plan your next family camping trip, post adorable photo’s on instagram. Occasionally you will have flashes of walking away from your baby (yes three is still a baby) who has fallen asleep in your arms with the help of some gas, walking away and knowing his life is someone else’s hands, walking away sobbing as controllably as possible. When those flashes come up you just swallow really hard and push them back down. It will probably make you feel ill, work through that though, and soon enough you can go back to pretending all is normal. 

So that is it! Super simple.


Okay… okay… that is part of what I do, but it isn’t always very healthy and it does need a little back up. So here is the top five other things I do to help ease the anxiety.

  1. Have emotional meltdowns. I use my husband. He is my rock and safe place, so if I need to release it all in a not so pretty way that is where I head.
  2. Talk about everything with someone who cares. Cares about you, cares about your child and has unconditional love. I have some special girlfriends for this.
  3. Meditate. I am not always spectacular at having regular practice but during these times I find some mindful meditation eases the world off my shoulders. Still loving the Headspace app.
  4. Surround yourself with support. We have the most wonderful family and they are there every step of the way. My mum is literally there for every single appointment, and it truly is a blessing.
  5. Keep life balanced. It is so important during these times to do a little of the delusion technique and bring fun and joy into life. Enjoy good food, take a walk somewhere beautiful, be super silly with your children and breath deeply.

That is really it. Sort of super simple.


Share the load and find some headspace

A friend of mine recently said something along the lines of “You love your kids even more when they’re sleeping and I found out why… It’s because you actually have a moment to think about it”

IMG_3590_fotorAs parents, and particularly if you happen to be a stay home mum or dad, it can be rare to find a moment that is not consumed with either the responsibilities of living or the responsibilities of making sure your child doesn’t decide to grab hold of your dogs tail and attempt to bite it off. Your mind is constantly focused in the moment or the ever so boring to do list, that you actually do not get the chance to reflect and appreciate life.

There is another thing that tends to happen as well. We become so use to the treadmill that when someone offers to tag team, jump on and keep it rolling while we take to the bush track instead, we tend to deny them. I seriously crave the sort of me time that for 27 years of my life was on tap. Nothing extravagant…just conversation with a dear friend that includes my full attention and no interruptions. Or a walk along the beach to wonder at the ocean and waves without seeing them as a immediate drowning hazard. I have an amazing husband who will often ask if I want to take time, but I get so stumped about having time that I can barely come up with what I want to do” ahhh…ummmm…okay……ummmm”, or I feel this weird guilt for leaving him to wrestle our son for an hour (all the while being completely aware that it is RIDICULOUS, unfounded, hogwash, self indulgent guilt).

IMG_3591_fotorThis morning I ask for some time and it was happily given. Of course it would be happily given by my husband, our family or a friend pretty much when ever I was in need. But this morning I TOOK IT! It was wonderful. One and a half hours of just walking along enjoying the world, sitting to meditate not on my bed at the end of a busy day but in the soft sand while gazing at the waves, finding some head space, just being…reflecting and feeling grateful.

So to all of you out there who have little time to turn off from what is right in front of you or what is hijacking your mind…jump off the treadmill of life, find some head space!!!! You do not have to be a parent, maybe your life is full of work, or stress, or relationship needs. Whoever…whatever…when some one offers to share the load so you can find peace…please… let them.