Dad be stepping up

I freakin LOVE my husband. Sure he annoys me to no end, leaves his clothes all over the house and has a distinct knack for relaxing on the couch while chaos reins around him…totally none the wiser. BUT…I love love LOVE him, and every single day I feel beyond blessed to have him on my team.

Although we’ve had our up’s and down’s the years roll on and with each one our connection is stronger. When parenthood landed on our door, with all the surprise of snow for an Aussie Christmas, I knew our relationship was hitting a big test. After all it has been my experience as a witness that children tend to make or break a relationship.

To my utter delight (and quiet confidence) parenthood proved to only deepen our understanding and compassion for each other. My man stepped up to the plate as a little human catapulted us into a life with a level of purpose and dedication that we had not experienced before. Suddenly what was important actually seemed a hell of a lot more important then… hmmm anything previously. And LOVE!!… my gosh, we learned to love more then ever before and this love was unconditional.

IMG_3490_fotorNow here we are welcoming another member to our family and getting pretty darn use to Little Roo being our number two. And my husband…well he be stepping up yet again. Sure I already knew he was a great dad. But with one child it is easier for mum (or whomever happens to be primary carer) to juggle the bulk of what needs to be done. I know this isn’t every family’s dynamic but it certainly seems a trend among my tribe. When you add another, not soooo easy. The team has had to reinvent itself, change the strategies and pull together. It’s not always beer and skittles, but certainly results in an ever deepening family connection.

So to my main man Mr G, thanks…for stepping up and being the insanely amazing man you are… I am truly grateful 🙂

p.s remember this when I am tired and grumpy and send you evil mumma eyes xo

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My take on…THE WEDDING

Ten years ago when I first decided I would be marrying Steven (he took a bit more time to convince) marriage was an idea in my head that looked like the end of every Disney movie…Happily Ever After. Then reality bit in and I saw relationships turn nasty, marriages crumble, I had my heart broken a few times, suddenly Happily Ever After seemed confusing. I realised that a wedding didn’t give you a free pass to happiness and “till death do us part” seemed an impossible promise. So over the years I have reinvented my view on this relationship rite of passage. Don’t get me wrong I am in no way trying to reinvent everyones perception, but this is my take on THE WEDDING.

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This Saturday I will marry the man I have loved for such a long time and it will be such a joyous day. It will be a celebration of all our triumphs and failures, a celebration of families coming together, of lessons learnt by each others side, a celebration of creating new life and of loving another person so much it makes you cry. It will be a chance for all the people we love in our life to come together and CELEBRATE LOVE!! And yes, we will be making promises to each other, along the lines of; we promise to always strive to be true and honest and respectful no matter which way our path winds.

The planning of a wedding is so huge that this beautiful meaning behind the event is sometimes forgotten. So at times when I feel like I am on the event planning treadmill I STOP…breath…and hold in my mind a picture of all the people who will be there. I see how we are all connected by the love between Steve and I…suddenly my soul is still and I can enjoy each step involved in creating the day, savouring the whole experience, because this I have realised can be the best part.

“What do you like doing best in the world, Pooh?” “Well,” said Pooh, “what I like best-” and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn’t know what it was called” – AA Milne

I still adore fairy tales despite my reality check and I know this weekend is going to be magical. But what Pooh was thinking about, that moment just before he eats the honey, that beautiful anticipation…that feeling is all the nights dreaming about and planning this weekend. It is the past eleven years spent at Steven’s side slowly gaining an understanding of our unique connection and realising it was going to last a long time. So yes this weekend will be magical but it is only the destination… and the journey to this wedding day has sure been something worth celebrating.

Breakups and Makeups…more on true love

A few weeks back I wrote a post on The Truth about True love and how my relationship has taken a million twists and turns. A few readers were intrigued about how we got back together, to which I could say “what breakup are you referring to exactly?”.

One of my dearest girlfriends has a no going back rule, part of me can see why this is very wise and admires the strength it takes, the other part of me just freaking loves Steven so much I couldn’t give a toss what seems wise. This latter feeling was probably the core reason our twists and turns kept persisting, being drawn to someone so intensely that common sense gets thrown far out the window..hands up who can relate?!

The nitty gritty of our breakups and makeups is far more complex, yet also quite simple. It was not always his decision, I walked away twice in quite dramatic fashion. One of our splits lasted a mere 48 hours. We almost always maintained a close friendship, but it was too flecked with the past and the future and a whole truck load of chemistry. It was a middle ground we just never wanted to leave. I felt pain, fear, insecurity, hate, unworthiness… yet in all honesty never truly thought I would never go back. 

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAI hear you asking “so why exactly did you ever break up?”, simple…we weren’t happy. In my opinion the reasons we were not happy added complexity to the situation. Our relationship started when we were both young, I was particularly sheltered in my world, we were both still discovering what this thing called life meant now we were “adults”. I feel like my early 20’s held a warped time between childhood and adulthood where beliefs were questioned, ideals were squashed, the world became scary then beautiful again. It was a really bumpy ride, life was an ebb and flow of awesomeness and disaster. It was as if I had set out from the mother land in a little boat and the sea was battering me left right and centre. LIFE IS FULL ON. And maybe it is so full on and negative because of who I am with?…So I should leave them?

Each time we were apart we grew as individuals. I travelled quite a bit, Steve delved into new projects. When we came back together we had to face what had been left. We had to learn how to communicate on a deeper level as BIG emotions rose to the surface. We realised that whether we were by each others side or drifting alone, the sea would still batter us.

Often when we lose our way the person who cops the brunt of frustration is our partner, unfortunately they often get the blame as well. It is hard to admit you are your own worst enemy, that your happiness or unhappiness relies on your perspective and actions. Sometimes it is easier to blame someone else.

Finally….like years and years finally….. we realised that although we were not always happy in ourselves it did not mean we were with the wrong person. Greater communication healed past hurts, we learnt to express the bad stuff without heaping it onto each other (this is still a learning process). In essence we discovered tools to sail our boats through the rough seas and realised we were quite great at helping each other on the journey (too many metaphors?).

I hope this all makes sense and that it touches a nerve for some of you out there in cyber world 🙂 try not to have unreasonable expectations of your relationship, because I am yet to meet that perfect fairy tale couple. Respect, honesty and compassion will go a very long way.