On this day 11 years ago I did not find the man of my dreams…but I did find the love of my life.
I was about as innocent as an 18 year old comes, with such joyous hope in the world and a pretty clear picture of what my love life should be (I am a romantic who believes in fairytales). Without questioning or wondering I assumed that when you met the person you loved, who loved you back, life would easily flow from dating to living together to marriage to babies to happily ever after old folks rocking on the porch.
And then I fell for Steve…
I had dated a few guys before but nothing serious, I had not felt real loss at moving on or a real wham bam connection. You know the whole rainbows, fireworks and blue birds swirling around your mind thing?! Then one night he wrapped his arms around me and we talked talked talked (yes literally talked remember still innocent) till the sun came up and there was nothing left to do but sleep. It was like I had found home. I had been hit with a ten tonne truck of young love and I was hooked beyond reasonable caution.
A couple of months later Steve announced, rather unexpectedly from my point of view, that he did not want a girlfriend but he did not want to lose me as a friend. I cried for 24 hours straight, not caring who saw, yup even my grandparents. That ten tonne truck of love drove straight over the top of me and I really did not want to try to scrape myself off the pavement. But sure… I will be your friend Stevo.
Fastfoward into the NOW and that man I fell in love with so ridiculously easily is well and truly my home. He is the father of my son, the man I will marry, the rock I need to anchor me and the shoulder I lean on. If I want to daydream he is there, if I need a reality check he is there, if I am so sleep deprived and cranky I am not even functioning he is the one who sends me to bed and doesn’t take no for an answer (this seriously happens).
But how we got to this point was so far from what I imagined would happen when I met my true love.
When I tell people the story of “us” I never skip the bumpy bits. For a while I worried about this, was I not letting go of the past? But I have come to realise that I LOVE THE BUMPY BITS! They were hard to go through (seriously the biggest challenges of my life thus far) but they brought us to where we are today. I do not want to gloss over it for the sake of a pretty picture because the fact is long term relationships are not “perfect”. They ebb and flow like the endless tides, simmer and sizzle, dip and soar… I want our children to know the road we tread for those we love is not always beer and skittles. That we must trust our heart, let it lead the way!! but know that will not always be enough, we also must learn deep communication, to accept each others flaws and nurture each others strengths, to truly listen and try as we might to walk in the others shoes. Above all we need to respect each other and ourselves…even when we disagree.
Mostly I want them to know that each love follows a different path, there is no shame in a relationship that is not picture perfect, that in the end all those imperfections will be part what defines your “us” as something special.
This one will have to be dedicated to the one who taught me that being “different” is not being “wrong”, love you Stevie xo
nella inspired 
Oh Nell!!! I love this post! A good story is not a good story without the bumpy bits! I’ve actually been thinking about doing a similar post, now you’ve Nella Inspired me 🙂 heehee. I had a good conversation with Jodie about how there is also not ‘thee’ one and only, but there could be multiple ones and you just have to find the commitment and just make it work. I’m always amazed with a lot of my Indian friends who have had arranged marriages (the ones who have reasonable partners chosen for them). They just make it work!
Too true Kate! I believe there is more then just ONE person that could be your life partner. I know there are many very valid reasons for long term relationships to end. But I also believe that sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves and our partner to fit the “perfect” mould that we forget it does take effort to compliment and compromise for each other. One of my best friends once said to me “My husband is the person I love most in the world and hate most in the world” hehehe okay so hate was an over exaggeration, but the essence of what she said is true for many. That person we open up to most certainly has the ability to disappoint and annoy us more then anyone else. We are truly vulnerable to them. So it really can be a roller coaster. We are still learning so much about being a team even this far in, it is one of the things I love about our relationship 🙂
Beautiful 🙂
Thanks Chez. I feel like so many people follow the unconventional path, we need to start embracing it as beautiful 🙂