A few weeks back I wrote a post on The Truth about True love and how my relationship has taken a million twists and turns. A few readers were intrigued about how we got back together, to which I could say “what breakup are you referring to exactly?”.
One of my dearest girlfriends has a no going back rule, part of me can see why this is very wise and admires the strength it takes, the other part of me just freaking loves Steven so much I couldn’t give a toss what seems wise. This latter feeling was probably the core reason our twists and turns kept persisting, being drawn to someone so intensely that common sense gets thrown far out the window..hands up who can relate?!
The nitty gritty of our breakups and makeups is far more complex, yet also quite simple. It was not always his decision, I walked away twice in quite dramatic fashion. One of our splits lasted a mere 48 hours. We almost always maintained a close friendship, but it was too flecked with the past and the future and a whole truck load of chemistry. It was a middle ground we just never wanted to leave. I felt pain, fear, insecurity, hate, unworthiness… yet in all honesty never truly thought I would never go back.
I hear you asking “so why exactly did you ever break up?”, simple…we weren’t happy. In my opinion the reasons we were not happy added complexity to the situation. Our relationship started when we were both young, I was particularly sheltered in my world, we were both still discovering what this thing called life meant now we were “adults”. I feel like my early 20’s held a warped time between childhood and adulthood where beliefs were questioned, ideals were squashed, the world became scary then beautiful again. It was a really bumpy ride, life was an ebb and flow of awesomeness and disaster. It was as if I had set out from the mother land in a little boat and the sea was battering me left right and centre. LIFE IS FULL ON. And maybe it is so full on and negative because of who I am with?…So I should leave them?
Each time we were apart we grew as individuals. I travelled quite a bit, Steve delved into new projects. When we came back together we had to face what had been left. We had to learn how to communicate on a deeper level as BIG emotions rose to the surface. We realised that whether we were by each others side or drifting alone, the sea would still batter us.
Often when we lose our way the person who cops the brunt of frustration is our partner, unfortunately they often get the blame as well. It is hard to admit you are your own worst enemy, that your happiness or unhappiness relies on your perspective and actions. Sometimes it is easier to blame someone else.
Finally….like years and years finally….. we realised that although we were not always happy in ourselves it did not mean we were with the wrong person. Greater communication healed past hurts, we learnt to express the bad stuff without heaping it onto each other (this is still a learning process). In essence we discovered tools to sail our boats through the rough seas and realised we were quite great at helping each other on the journey (too many metaphors?).
I hope this all makes sense and that it touches a nerve for some of you out there in cyber world 🙂 try not to have unreasonable expectations of your relationship, because I am yet to meet that perfect fairy tale couple. Respect, honesty and compassion will go a very long way.