Waking at 4am for a text message tantrum

Okay here goes a confession. I had a tantrum this morning. Yes ME.

TeaI awoke from deep slumber to hear my son whimpering in the next room…it is still dark but I hear birds and I guess it is 4am. All good Dad will sort him. Whimpering continues and I look up to realise that Dad has gone for a surf, DAMN my memory! By this point our son is wandering the hallway, clearly awake. I stumble out of bed before he disturbs the baby, and I feel furious. It is the second morning in a row we are up before dawn, I am exhausted and totally over not having any ME time. I start feeling super angry at my husband for going surfing (even though it was planned). The rage is building and as my son starts whining about the stuff toddlers whine about, I know I am in bad territory.

I quickly grab my phone and shoot a completely horrible text message to my currently surfing hubby. I express every ridiculous thought in my head and press send.

Then I send one more which says “Thanks I feel better now :)”

An hour later he calls in a calm tone and I answer full of patience and love. He knows the text was a vent and he lovingly lets me have it. I did it because I knew he would accept my anger which needed to be expressed, I felt no guilt, and it helped me immensely in doing what needed to be done. The morning started at 4am, but it was a lovely morning.

Then I read this article and laughed; The Best Way to Teach Your Child Emotional Intelligence. Children, AND ADULTS, need a safe place to express raw feelings. There is so much value in accepting our emotions and expressing them till their end. It free’s us from the burden of negative thoughts circling our minds all day.

I feel so lucky to have a partner that is emotionally intelligent and accepting. With a little awareness we will be able to create that same safe place for our children, and that is a beautiful thing.

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Breakups and Makeups…more on true love

A few weeks back I wrote a post on The Truth about True love and how my relationship has taken a million twists and turns. A few readers were intrigued about how we got back together, to which I could say “what breakup are you referring to exactly?”.

One of my dearest girlfriends has a no going back rule, part of me can see why this is very wise and admires the strength it takes, the other part of me just freaking loves Steven so much I couldn’t give a toss what seems wise. This latter feeling was probably the core reason our twists and turns kept persisting, being drawn to someone so intensely that common sense gets thrown far out the window..hands up who can relate?!

The nitty gritty of our breakups and makeups is far more complex, yet also quite simple. It was not always his decision, I walked away twice in quite dramatic fashion. One of our splits lasted a mere 48 hours. We almost always maintained a close friendship, but it was too flecked with the past and the future and a whole truck load of chemistry. It was a middle ground we just never wanted to leave. I felt pain, fear, insecurity, hate, unworthiness… yet in all honesty never truly thought I would never go back. 

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAI hear you asking “so why exactly did you ever break up?”, simple…we weren’t happy. In my opinion the reasons we were not happy added complexity to the situation. Our relationship started when we were both young, I was particularly sheltered in my world, we were both still discovering what this thing called life meant now we were “adults”. I feel like my early 20’s held a warped time between childhood and adulthood where beliefs were questioned, ideals were squashed, the world became scary then beautiful again. It was a really bumpy ride, life was an ebb and flow of awesomeness and disaster. It was as if I had set out from the mother land in a little boat and the sea was battering me left right and centre. LIFE IS FULL ON. And maybe it is so full on and negative because of who I am with?…So I should leave them?

Each time we were apart we grew as individuals. I travelled quite a bit, Steve delved into new projects. When we came back together we had to face what had been left. We had to learn how to communicate on a deeper level as BIG emotions rose to the surface. We realised that whether we were by each others side or drifting alone, the sea would still batter us.

Often when we lose our way the person who cops the brunt of frustration is our partner, unfortunately they often get the blame as well. It is hard to admit you are your own worst enemy, that your happiness or unhappiness relies on your perspective and actions. Sometimes it is easier to blame someone else.

Finally….like years and years finally….. we realised that although we were not always happy in ourselves it did not mean we were with the wrong person. Greater communication healed past hurts, we learnt to express the bad stuff without heaping it onto each other (this is still a learning process). In essence we discovered tools to sail our boats through the rough seas and realised we were quite great at helping each other on the journey (too many metaphors?).

I hope this all makes sense and that it touches a nerve for some of you out there in cyber world 🙂 try not to have unreasonable expectations of your relationship, because I am yet to meet that perfect fairy tale couple. Respect, honesty and compassion will go a very long way.

The truth about True love

On this day 11 years ago I did not find the man of my dreams…but I did find the love of my life.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAI was about as innocent as an 18 year old comes, with such joyous hope in the world and a pretty clear picture of what my love life should be (I am a romantic who believes in fairytales). Without questioning or wondering I assumed that when you met the person you loved, who loved you back, life would easily flow from dating to living together to marriage to babies to happily ever after old folks rocking on the porch.

And then I fell for Steve…

I had dated a few guys before but nothing serious, I had not felt real loss at moving on or a real wham bam connection. You know the whole rainbows, fireworks and blue birds swirling around your mind thing?! Then one night he wrapped his arms around me and we talked talked talked (yes literally talked remember still innocent) till the sun came up and there was nothing left to do but sleep. It was like I had found home. I had been hit with a ten tonne truck of young love and I was hooked beyond reasonable caution.

A couple of months later Steve announced, rather unexpectedly from my point of view, that he did not want a girlfriend but he did not want to lose me as a friend. I cried for 24 hours straight, not caring who saw, yup even my grandparents. That ten tonne truck of love drove straight over the top of me and I really did not want to try to scrape myself off the pavement. But sure… I will be your friend Stevo.

Fastfoward into the NOW and that man I fell in love with so ridiculously easily is well and truly my home. He is the father of my son, the man I will marry, the rock I need to anchor me and the shoulder I lean on. If I want to daydream he is there, if I need a reality check he is there, if I am so sleep deprived and cranky I am not even functioning he is the one who sends me to bed and doesn’t take no for an answer (this seriously happens).

But how we got to this point was so far from what I imagined would happen when I met my true love.

 

True loveWhen I tell people the story of “us” I never skip the bumpy bits. For a while I worried about this, was I not letting go of the past? But I have come to realise that I LOVE THE BUMPY BITS! They were hard to go through (seriously the biggest challenges of my life thus far) but they brought us to where we are today. I do not want to gloss over it for the sake of a pretty picture because the fact is long term relationships are not “perfect”. They ebb and flow like the endless tides, simmer and sizzle, dip and soar… I want our children to know the road we tread for those we love is not always beer and skittles. That we must trust our heart, let it lead the way!! but know that will not always be enough, we also must learn deep communication, to accept each others flaws and nurture each others strengths, to truly listen and try as we might to walk in the others shoes. Above all we need to respect each other and ourselves…even when we disagree.

Mostly I want them to know that each love follows a different path, there is no shame in a relationship that is not picture perfect, that in the end all those imperfections will be part what defines your “us” as something special.

This one will have to be dedicated to the one who taught me that being “different” is not being “wrong”, love you Stevie xo